Do you feel that your partner doesn’t understand, or care about, your feelings?  Are you experiencing continual frustration when you try to communicate with your mate?  Do you feel that you are hitting a wall, and that your mate simply cannot see your point of view — no matter how many times you try to express yourself?

“Listening” is an actual skill which one can learn.  Many people have difficulty letting go of their own agenda for a few minutes, tuning it to their partner, and really hearing what another person is trying to say.

But the “art of listening” is only half of the solution.  Learning how to express oneself effectively is equally important.   In our therapy together, I will show each member of the couple how to express his, or her, feelings and thoughts in a manner which gives the partner a truly in-depth understanding of that person’s inner emotional world.

I like to give the analogy of an iceberg.  Did you know that only 1/10th of the iceberg is visible above the surface of the water?   9/10ths are submerged.   So it goes, in terms of communication.   Most individuals who are in conflict tend to communicate only 1/10th of the emotions they feel.   In therapy, I will help you to uncover, and reveal to your partner, all the important thoughts and feelings which are submerged.

In this way, your partner will hear not only the surface anger, or frustration — but rather your deeper, more sensitive feelings and vulnerabilities.  You will be able to give your partner the full picture, and be able to express the full extent of your pain.  For example, if you were to make a statement such as “That makes me feel invisible, like I don’t matter,”  or “It destroys my self-esteem, and it’s starting to make me feel insecure even at the office,”  or “I feel frightened all the time, like I am walking on eggshells”…. it is more likely that your partner will take notice, and be able to compassionately listen to what you have to say.