Are there things you want from your relationship, but are too afraid to ask?

Maybe you need more affection, or a particular kind of affection.   Or more sex, or a certain type of sexual activity.  Or more companionship, more quality time with your partner… a specific type of quality time.   Or maybe more alone time, to decompress, or relax, or explore a hobby or sport.   Or some separate time with a friend, away from your mate.   Or maybe you want to quit your job, and explore a totally new career.

So why aren’t you asking– what are you afraid of?  Conflict and arguments?  Abandonment?  Hurting the other person?  Or, are you just grateful for what you have, and feel that you would be asking too much of your partner?

But here’s the deal:  if you have a need, or desire, which is very important to you… but you are not expressing it… then you are not living the life you want.   Simultaneously, you need to ask yourself — what is this unexpressed and unmet need doing to you?

Does it make you feel resentful?  Are you taking out this resentment on your mate?   Or maybe you’re acting out your anger in passive-aggressive ways– like not coming home on time, or not taking out the trash, or ignoring your mate’s requests.

Does it make you feel depressed, or lonely?   Are you turning it inward, and self-medicating with alcohol or drugs to cope with those feelings of deprivation?   Are you getting anxious, or starting to have panic attacks?

Or perhaps you’re even thinking about leaving your mate, or having an affair.  Are either of those two options preferable to speaking up, standing up for what is important to you, no matter what the response?

If you know, in your heart, that you have an unmet need… then it’s time to take your partner to a therapist, and express and explore this desire in a safe setting with a neutral mediator.   You’ll be able to express your true desires, explain — with the therapist’s help — why this need is so important to you.  Couples Counseling Center of Los Angeles can help you create the life you want.